Hello again you sweet brides, someday brides, and/ or those who just enjoy reading wedding blogs!
Let’s discuss bridesmaids.
Let me start with the most important bridesmaid expectation, in my humble opinion:
Expect each bridesmaid to remain the same type of friend to you that they were before you asked them to be in your wedding.
If she is flakey, don’t be shocked when she flakes on brunch before your dress shopping appointment.
If she is opinionated, you can bet your cute ass that she will have an opinion about every detail of the bachelorette party.
If she is thrifty, she might make you a bridal shower gift rather than spending money on that $150 espresso machine on your registry.
Planning a wedding isn’t going to magically change someone’s personality. They are them. You are you. Remember that!
This also stands true for how close you are with her. If you aren’t that close with one of your bridesmaids before the wedding, chances are that the wedding will not suddenly make you besties with matching friendship bracelets.
Story time…
I was in a wedding in which the bride and I had hung out one-on-one only two times before she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was a bit stunned, but I said yes. (Word of advice for you potential bridesmaids out there: it is OKAY to politely decline. Especially if you aren’t close with the person! This is something I learned the hard way, and it also acts as a lesson for you brides.) Anyways, halfway through the wedding planning process, she pulled me aside and said, “I just feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be. It’s starting to bother me. If you don’t want to be in the wedding just tell me.” I was speechless. As close as we used to be??? I knew she was under a lot of stress, and she was emotional to her core, so by the grace of God, I somehow managed to spit out a gentle, politically-correct response to make her feel better and effectively damned-up the waterworks flooding from her crazy eyes.
But you best believe that this is what I was thinking: “Girlllllll, what?! We had two 1.5 hour dinner dates before I became a bridesmaid. The only things I feel like I know about you are that you love watching the Bachelor and that you lost your virginity the same month/year that I did. I have shown up for every bridesmaid festivity, shown enthusiasm in the group texts, and I just took you to lunch and shopping for your birthday.”
None of that mattered, though, because she was comparing my our fresh-out-the-gate friendship to her lifelong friendships with the other bridesmaids.
So, moral of the story – don’t expect a mediocre friendship to suddenly blossom into a blood sister-ship over a few months. If you want to feel extremely close to all your bridesmaids, then you need to be extremely close with them before you invited them into your bride tribe.
Okay, story time is over! Hopefully you only cringed half as much as I did when that happened.
Below are a list of things that you have legal permission to expect from your bridesmaids! 😉
They purchase their dress, shoes, accessories, and any special undergarments that they may need for the dress.
When it comes to hair and makeup, the bride should cover that cost. Or, if your bridesmaids are savvy in the beauty department, you might consider asking them to do their own hair and makeup. Just make sure that their foundation is flash-proof!
They plan/ pay for their portion of the bachelorette party.
There is a disclaimer here... If you want an across-country trip to Nashville, you cannot expect all of your bridesmaids to fork up that kind of money. Some of them may choose not to go, and you need to be understanding of that.
They give you advice when you are dress shopping.
But beware, they want you to pick the dress you want, so don’t get frustrated when they don’t make the decision for you. They are just there to push you in the right direction – a.k.a. tell you if your boobs look good or the lace looks cheap.
They wipe your tears.
They keep you hydrated and give you Advil when you need it.
They help set-up/ clean-up the bridal shower.
Who pays for the shower? This depends. But, whoever is hosting the shower typically covers most of the costs. So, if the bridal party is hosting it, they can divide the costs amongst themselves. But often times, it is tradition that someone in the bride’s family hosts the shower – mom or aunt or grandmother, for example. In this case, the family should cover the costs, but the bridesmaids should still help in any way they can – ie: making decorations, planning party games, baking cupcakes, etc.
They keep you laughing.
They drink wine with you and listen to you talk shit on your fiancé’s Aunt Karen who is being especially difficult.
They offer you encouraging words when you are feeling stressed.
They help assemble gifts for your wedding guests.
No, they do not spend a penny on the gifts for your guests! However, if you need to tie 200 ribbons around 200 bottle openers, then your girls are the ones to call! Make sure you have pizza waiting for them!
They attend the rehearsal dinner.
They ensure that your reception is a big PARTY.
If your wedding guests are timid about getting out on that dance floor, it is the royal duty of your bridesmaids to get the dance party started!
And the most important one of them all – they watch the movie Bridesmaids with you.
And they laugh.
If they don’t laugh, impeach them.
